For “Bottom of Loneliness” – Hitting Bottom & the Dark Night of the Soul.

Let’s set an atmosphere for this important  question. Goo Goo Dolls – Better Days.

Question: “Alison, where is the bottom of my loneliness?”

Now, we’re on the same page, my loves.  We’re all connected throughout the world with this song and this thought.  For those of you that need translation, I will be adding the lyrics to the end of the post. I love this song.  Today really is the first day of your life, if only you will believe.

You'll travel this path alone. The destination? So Worthwhile. Don't give up.

Answer:  There isn’t one, love,  there is no bottom to loneliness.  It just depends on how long you want to tread water.  You’re in charge of the bottom.  It’s your choice now.

One of the greatest honors of being a writer has little to do with worlds, and everything to do with humankind.  It’s wonderful to hear from you as I sit in my office, in front of this window.  I remember stomping through the snow, screaming out in the night,  just months ago while consumed with the pain of betrayal and loss. Today, I’m balanced, okay.  There is no burning left in me…just peace. I love humankind, even on days like these when my heart is shattered and life continues.   There are days that God and I have tense and terse words over the choices that we make as a species, and I rail against the injustices that I see in the planet we call home.  When I come back to center,  I am amazed at the kindness and grace of the Divine love – call it Rama, Call it God, Call it what your languages uses.   I call it love.  Love leads me through this dark night of the soul.  And that, “Bottom of Loneliness” are where you are standing some thousands of miles away, across an ocean that I have never traveled, in a country I have never seen.  You are among the blessed…if you choose to be. All of this means something, your endless years of isolation, your broken heart, your abuse, you brokenness.  It is all worthwhile, and you are more than a plastic disposable life that consumes and flames out.  I encourage you, love, I encourage you.  You’re so close to the crest of the hill, don’t give up now.

Before the darkness comes, there is a joy that lulls you into thinking that life is good.  But you, friend, are destined for greater things, for an understanding that transcends normal human understanding.  You were destined to be special, “Bottom.”  You are one of the few that will traverse the night.

Here’s how Wikipedia describes the “Dark Night”….a personal note… you don’t have to be a Christian to be in the dark night of the soul.  It transcends the politics of religion.  God isn’t a chooser by church or language, by time or wealth, or even what you call the divine being that makes up the Presence.  God will take on anyone that wants to come closer, I don’t care who you are. It has nothing to do with what you give or who you are.  It’s what you are inside.  None of the “religions” have the corner stone on truth…hell, to tell you the truth, most people have no idea who God is and what “that plan” is, including 90% of the professional pastors.

Find your way. 

Trust the divine. 

You don’t need their approval.

Stand on the edge and look out at what there is in this universe.  You’ll be amazed. 

The term “dark night (of the soul)” is used in Christianity for a spiritual crisis in a journey towards union with God, like that described by Saint John of the Cross.

Typically for a believer in the dark night of the soul, spiritual disciplines (such as prayer and consistent devotion to God) suddenly seem to lose all their experiential value; traditional prayer is extremely difficult and unrewarding for an extended period of time during this “dark night.” The individual may feel as though God has suddenly abandoned them or that his or her prayer life has collapsed. It is important to note however that the presence of doubt is not tantamount to abandonment—as there is a strong Biblical tradition of authentic confusion before God. Psalms 13, 22, and 44 display King David, the ‘man after God’s own heart’ undergoing serious confusion before and anguish with God, yet this is not condemned or mentioned as being unfaithful, but rather as the only measure of faith that David could have in the face of such withering apparent abandonment.

Rather than resulting in permanent devastation, the dark night is regarded by mystics and others as a blessing in disguise, whereby the individual is stripped (in the dark night of the senses) of the spiritual ecstasy associated with acts of virtue. Although the individual may for a time seem to outwardly decline in his or her practices of virtue, in reality he becomes more virtuous, as she is being virtuous less for the spiritual rewards (ecstasies in the cases of the first night) obtained and more out of a true love for God. It is this purgatory, a purgation of the soul, that brings purity and union with God.

The “EGO” is part of the brain that says “I think, therefore I am.”  It couldn’t have been more wrong.  You think, think, and think with the ego, the part of the brain that uses the term “I” or “My” and no one can use you in that state.  You’re holding on to your physical body so completely at this point that you have no identification with who you really are. It’s the “I am” in the statement.  You are in there, dying to be set free of guilt, expectation, life and rules…be all that you are meant to be and you will exceed the expectations of everyone around you.  Surrender to the ego driven “I” and you will die.  The rules of mankind aren’t the same as the rules of the universe, love. Sometimes, you have to believe in the extraordinary.  Instead of rewriting all that has been written, let me direct you to a great site about the Dark Night of the Soul, the book that I love and adore by Steven Moore.

Nothing happens without a reason, love, not in the US or in Vietnam.  The bottom of loneliness sounds like your on the second plane of the dark night of the soul.  I know how you feel.  You’re not alone, I promise you, there are so many around you that have been on this journey – and none of us can walk a step of it with you. I recently had the foundation of what I thought was truth ripped from me at the virtual death of a person in my life – he lives, but I will never see him again.  I miss that…the fact that he was, before all, my friend.   Even though he’s thrown me to the roadside for the final time, I don’t lament the pain.  I let it go long ago, with the ego that had haunted me.  My spirit knows truth…and the truth of life is worth living in.  It’s the presence of the divine in your life, not of “right and wrong.”   If you want freedom….don’t see the address to a prison.  I love this song that reminds me of my friend…dead to me, but still out there somewhere.  I will forget in short time where and when, how and why…but never the lesson of becoming.  Lifehouse – From Where You Are  Even with the joy of my life, the happiness that I live in now that I’ve finished the dark night…. I can’t ease his considerable pain.  In my place of peace I understand that my own dark night was working to prepare me for this day, when I could let go of that which seemed so important in this mortal world and be filled with the light of creation instead.  I have no anger, no hate in me.  But the place that you are…that darkness?  I had to travel that to finally understand this one thing.

I had to be willing to give up, stop fighting and  surrender totally to the dark night of my soul, to learn what it had to say with an open mind and soul.  My  misconceptions dropped away.  A life not lived is still lost, even when years go by. I opened my heart and God cleaned it out.  So I dare you, Bottom.  I dare you to accept where you are, knowing that it will get better in time.  I dare you to exist.  I dare you to be yourself, to stand in the storm and to be willing to open your mind past what you own, what you think you are, what you must accomplish and simply be that soul that is within you.  The silent voice.

Redemption?  It’s where you’re standing.

There is no running.

There is no hiding.

Live like you mean it.

You’re being born…again.

There is now.  Live it.  Loneliness is a cover to something deeper, meaningful and wonderful.  Explode into the colors and talents that are hidden within you, those dreams and ideas that you never talk about.

Here are the words I promised.  Stand on the edge with me, hold back your fear and see that nothing is real until it’s gone.  Don’t fall, just be who you are, it’s all we need in our life.  So love like you mean it, until you feel it….and when you feel like giving up? Hold on.  Find the presence within.

My payoff might be different than yours…but all my dreams are coming true.  Saturday, I’ll be surrounded by my family, including our oldest daughter and her brand new baby.  I get to be a stepmonster grandma.  I can’t tell you how much I am grateful to God for the harshness of the lesson, for the opportunity to be a Mom, to be here and now, writing and changing the world.  I’m good.  Really.  I’m in love, in life and writing again.  I am growing, exponentially, by the moment.  Bigger, stronger, more stable, whole….immune to the hurricane.  Nothing could matter more.

In the words of the immortal Linkin Park…forgetting all the hurt inside that you’ve learned to hide so well,

pretending someone can come and salve me from myself….

I can’t be who you are…..

when my time comes, forget all that I’ve done

help me realize some reason to exist.


Better Days
And you ask me what I want this year
And I try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe we’ll find better days
Cuz I don’t need boxes wrapped in strings
And desire and love and empty things
Just a chance that maybe we’ll find better days

So take these words
And sing out loud
Cuz everyone is forgiven now
Cuz tonight’s the night the world begins again

And it’s someplace simple where we could live
And something only you can give
And thats faith and trust and peace while we’re alive
And the one poor child that saved this world
And there’s 10 million more who probably could
If we all just stopped and said a prayer for them

So take these words
And sing out loud
Cuz everyone is forgiven now
Cuz tonight’s the night the world begins again

I wish everyone was loved tonight
And somehow stop this endless fight
Just a chance that maybe we’ll find better days

So take these words
And sing out loud
Cuz everyone is forgiven now
Cuz tonight’s the night the world begins again
Cuz tonight’s the night the world begins again


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