Random thoughts About Being Grateful

There is something about living in the perfect moment of these days that has every cell in my person singing with energy.  Any person near me can feel it humming in their midst, breathes it in and notices that I am glowing in the sunlight. After the rain came and lingered like an old friend, tapping gently on the window, the sun is out in all of it’s glory today.  It’s warm and inviting and beautiful.  I am so excited about going to our adventure this weekend.  I love the feel of the wind on your face as you zip through the air, the fall of your person away from the platform, trees skimming by…the quiet, the rush, the landing.  I love losing my ball every time I hit it, and squealing like a seven year old when it actually is a good hit that lands on the green! Love it all. It is supposed to be 72 degrees and perfectly clear for golf, zipping and hiking in Tennessee.  Almost perfect.

Today I am headed off to the club for a brutal workout, tanning, then off to blond streak the hair before photos and the big trip.Yesterday was a great day full of people that I love.  Had a treatment with more flashy light things and stuff that makes me healthy. Went in with a headache, came out feeling well.  Lunch laughing with Bill and Cassie because I lost my keys…which were found in time to make it to In Ministries for my time there. My friend is in his first few weeks at his swanky new job as all things “church health” spent the better part of the afternoon listening to me formulate ideas on random things. I drooled over his pictures of hiking Rainer and white rafting.  I absolutely love spending time with him, pray for his success and continued amazing faith, and have so much respect for what he’s about to attempt.  We spent time talking with the state director about rounding some of our pastor types to go zip lining or white rafting and build some team skills among them. It was really  fun.

Today, I continue to be in a state of absolute gratefulness.  Really, as I meditated this morning, it was all “thank you” to God for the life changing people that I am blessed with knowing. As I come in contact with all of these amazing people I am always encouraged by how much they care about one another, how all of their vastly different points of view on life somehow converge to make up this big, whole universe.  I am encouraged by how they love my energy and randomness, and in their eyes I see no censure or disapproval.  I am entranced to listen to the theological ideas Bill has, to watch the animation of his face as that amazingly brilliant genius mind of his takes his vast study in so many arenas and paints a picture of possibilities. Tim challenges me to move on and past, to be the whole, extraordinary person that he sees – relentlessly, in my face at times…but always in love. He wants me to live my dreams as a reality. I am amazed at how Derek is always on the other end of the phone or in person to be honest and hold me accountable with friendship and grace, at his laughter and how genuinely decent he is.  I am honored and renewed by Jeff’s willingness to befriend and engage with this sometimes crazy girl who has a million ideas all at one time, for his endless smiles and how he is this living picture of genuine faith. I am absolutely awed by Brian’s steady, consistent support of all of me, his hawk-like protection of my health and sanity, and all those moments when he’s giving fully of himself without any expectation of return, how he gently prods me toward the finish line, often believing in me more than I do. My soul is never alone for I have a sister in D who will never leave my side, who will tell me like it is and be the best friend a human could have. I am taken apart by how each of them love me in truth and honesty, even knowing how failed I am. I am humbled by how they are so hearts wide open, how they honestly care for the people around them, or the world.  I long to give into their life as they give into mine.  They are amazing people in the truest sense of the word, and I am so grateful for their blessing of presence and love.

I was sitting there waiting before my early am appt, listening to the people around me at Starbucks talk about business and life, realizing how blessed, fortunate and amazing life has been for me.  Not perfect, no, but I know love.  I’m used to listening to people talking about struggle, but sitting solo at Starbucks I heard nothing of friendship and love.  I have experienced the truth of friendship.  I’ve felt more alive than any person deserves to in the arms of the man that I love, in his smile.  I’ve known a depth of passion, the mingling my heartbeat with another person in a way that I didn’t know was possible.  I’ve known laughter and pain, happiness and heartbreak…so I sat and listened a while, quietly listing all those people, those moments that I am so very, very grateful for. I’ve made unexpected friends in the last year that will pick up the phone when they know it’s me and I am broken, happy, lonely…and they don’t let go.  One person calls it “being on the rope line” for those of us who hike.  I’ve been to the bottom of the pit, the top of the universe and back again…all 4.3 million miles that my blood traveled this year, all 35 million times my heart has beat, it’s all been amazing and real.  I wish that I could take a tiny piece of this light that I feel, this energy inside and send it out to each person, lighten their day and bring peace and balance into their world.  I feel like a walking harmony of life and light, full of faith, grace and confidence.  Probably sounds crazy, but I promise you, it’s not some weird high.  I am just smiling, being grateful and affirming life.  It’s really a Zen place of knowing that what is true is true. I love, and am loved.

I don’t feel sick today.  I feel alive and here, beautiful and full of life….and although I am not whole, not by a long shot, I am me.  I’m stronger, and learning more every day. I am totally unique. I am extraordinary, special. I honestly have the soul deep, unending love of a man I truly respect and desire, my one, my only, my always. I am a creature recreated of grace and faith, the only one like me….intensity personified, sex goddess, woman, teacher, friend, follower, student, mom…all of me.

I send out to each of you a prayer that you’ll know the love in life that I feel, that connection across time and space that nothing can change, more precious than any gold or position…I wish you love, always love, only love.

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