The massage arts date in human history to 3000 B.c., all the way back to the land of Mesopotamia in the time that a really young Abram took off for the hills of another place. It’s the earliest of recorded Judeo-Christian and Muslim texts; and with it, comes a long history of massage being used as medicine and as the core of lovemaking. Throughout the history of all humankind, on every continent, people have offered “healing touch” as a way to exchange life force and energy, love, positive infusion, shared sensuality, and healing. The Song of Songs is ripe with massage, sensual images.
For the purpose of today, we’re going to focus on the healthy concept of massage as a couples event in lieu of or in conjunction with sexual intercourse, and as a point of connection for a deeper, meaningful bond. This type of massage event isn’t what you expect from the professional, who is trained in the therapy art, but is instead reserved for that very special someone.
Massage as a bonding activity isn’t new, or even unique to our culture. We don’t have to rattle back so far in history to see that much of the culture in Hinduism appreciates the use of healing touch, including the discipline of yoga as a solitary discipline. We also see the use of massage in the bath houses of the Roman Empire (alas, a chance to to camp in my favorite time stamp in history!) What is is to massage, and where does the word stem from? The Greek verb μάσσω (massō) “to handle, touch, to work with the hands, to knead dough” is the modern day term. The ancient Greek word for massage was anatripsis. Meaning? The truly healing experience that massage therapy brings to the heart, mind body and soul of both the mate-therapist and the one relaxing.
The first key to a successful massage experience is self preparation. Is your soul willing to be shared intimately with your love? Have you released any unwanted feelings, and misgivings that will prevent your being totally in the present moment? Brian and I share a bond founded in deep trust, honesty, and unwavering friendship. Because I know this, I am totally free to be myself and push the limits of new with him; he’s willing to meet me half way in my mystical pursuit of closeness becasue it binds us in a new way. My suggestion? Meditate and pray, and bring to mind images of your love glowing in the energy of your touch. Feel the connection.
The second step is more practical: gather the tools that you want to compliment your time together. I have a pink and dark pink striped box from Victoria’s Secret that currently houses my own massage kit. The box once housed our first date night “sexy surprise” and wow, did he go all out in the surprise category. No more details for you.
My surprise I will wear, but what is in the box is now even more special. It’s waiting for that special moment when the man that I love has had one of his infamous days, usually following more infamous days. I’ve built it over the past few months as my fascination with the Karma Sutra grew. The box is my touch stone for all the days that he’s off doing his thing and I am here in Writersville doing mine. In the box?
Peppermint Bergamont rubbing oil
Ohm (Om) tuning forks
caress items (rose petals, feather, gauze)
Aromatherapy for the hands and feet
Epsom salt soaks and hot water towels.
Intensives by KY, multiple flavors.
Very soft towels and a half sheet, small neck pillow. (These are camped on the table, not in the box)
Preparation begins within you, imagining the space, time and place that is perfect for your encounter with massage. Remember, this is a person that you love, honor and cherish – make it worthwhile. Use a solid, stable surface that you can feel confident will hold his and part of your weight. Beds are not really great massage surfaces, because you need to stand or straddle for the majority of it. Note: Privacy is everything in this sacred space between you; little folks should have an overnight or be safely with a sitter. Perfect spot? Our big, hardwood, expansive formal dining room table. Why? Fireplace, out of the ordinary, uber sexy and full of potential for a snuggle in the next room over. What you want to ditch is the television and anything with a tech buzz to it. Hide and turn off all phones. Close the drapes, arrange a buffet of finger foods that you can feed each other and forget the world exists. Where in your home is there a perfect, out of the ordinary spot that has no real past vibe: not a couch or a TV room where the family congregates. Bedrooms will change the intensity, unless you use the guest room; someplace “exotic” and wakeful to the senses.
In my preparation, I’ve walked through my massage space, uncluttered and made inroads to collecting my necessary things. I have a soft mat for the table surface, and a crisp sheet to drape the table in underneath. I have collected candles in every size and shape, have holders all around, and picked up several dozen roses to dry in advance. The room is totally closed and intimate, warm and inviting. There is a fresh supply of firewood in a clean fireplace. The music is ethereal and sensual. My room of choice is next to the kitchen, so I can plug in the crock pot with warm water just around the corner and use my newly acquired rocks for the tension in his back. He’s at a golf tournament today, another tough course that will undoubtedly leave him sore for days as he seeks to beat his last 7 under par. A perfect opportunity to show care and love to the manly man who cares so deeply for me.
I begin with myself. Showered and lotioned, perfumed and groomed, there is nothing left to chance from my selection of clothing to the fragrance I wear. I want to be soft, compelling, intentionally sensual in a way that he knows is only for him. Use a skin softener with a little glitter or bronzing agent to it to help your glow in the candlelight.
Begin first with the type of massage that relates to your love. I tend to focus on three areas; deep tissue on his back/arms, reflexive for his toes and fingers and the tense space in his neck needs a sensual, lingering touch. There are several good books on massage at any reputable store, or in the library if you’re super lucky. You tube videos are also helpful, but be careful what you click on.
Here are the two goals:
Improved overall health. It is true that relaxation encouraged through massage is not just physical, it is psychological. By increasing the oxygen and lubrication to the muscles being manipulated, the muscle groups are freed from tension. The end result? Improved flexibility, calmness, agility and better cellular health. Massage also drastically improves the immune system, which is highly toxic in times of stress. For couples dealing with disease such as MS, former injuries from accidents, or anything autoimmune like massage can bring exceptional health benefits to the table, especially when done by a person who is totally trusted and loved. Medical journals credit massage with delayed signs of aging through improved blood circulation. It lowers both blood pressure and heart rate.
Psychologically, massage brings calmness as it erases stress, and this is why it is so important that there is peace and good karma between the two of you. You will find results like deep relaxation and sleep, a clear mind, positive mood and rebalanced of collected worry. It helps people deal more holistically with pressure, mental health and clarity for decision making. Your inner relationship begins to heal as you are deeply cared for and loved.
Two: Sensual connections. There is no great surprise to the loving connection that massage brings into a relationship. This is not your typical back rub, but a deliberate act on the part of one lover to bring the other to a place of peace, holistic sensuality and raw energy. It is good so start with a servant act, like foot washing or a gentle bath of hot towels soaking in bath salts. I personally mix my own, so a cedar sandalwood is my natural selection.
The elements of massage are to start with the Chakra points, radiating from the spine out. Kill all artificial light and work with candles. I begin with warmed oil at the base of the spine, working up toward the shoulders as my love lay on his stomach. Back muscles are often the source of much daily pain, from sitting in cars and in front of computers, to old injuries. Chose a fragrant aromatherapy oil that will first calm the senses, like lavender and sage. Warmth is the key to balancing the areas, focus on each region and use the full expanse of your fingertips, palms and heals of your hands. A video (forgive the accents) techniques is found at Massage Techniques. Watch the use of the hands as the therapist uses fingers, fists, palms and heels to balance out the work on the masseuses hands. Mine tend to cramp, so I also use lava rocks, heated in warm water, at about 120 degrees on the back. It’s a wonderful way to apply slight pressure and heat.
Finally, this is a sensual experience. Talk to that person that you love as only you can. This isn’t the time for the kids, the dog, the mortgage, the job; it’s a rendition of intimate silence, sincere compliments and unending intensity of love and devotion. Try the following:
“I love the way that your shoulders are so strong. I think about the times that you’ve held me, and just now, feeling them again, I am simply grateful … how much I love you.”
“…the first time we kissed, how your hands trembled. I lost my breath. You still take my breath away.”
“When I see you walk toward me, when we are out and around…I am so proud to be your woman. I love how you protect me, and how your always right there, loving me. I am so proud of you…”
“Your body has a healing presence in it, love, a deep spiritual side that calls to me.”
“I am amazed at your life, how you’ve grow, who you are. I long to be one with you….”
“There is no one else in the world that draws me the way you do, with your intensity and your amazing voice/laugh/smile.”
“I love you. Always you. Only you.”
Touch every single square inch of your mate’s body with a deep caress, remembering to use silence effectively. Is his/her breathing faster or slower? Did a specific place bring pleasure or pain? Do not forget the tender and sensual areas of the face, neck and scalp. I would recommend that you study, and use a light touch as you learn the art of Chakra massage. Unfamiliar with the Chakra? The Hindu faith systems bring us this simple idea of inner self, which is not to conflict with those views of Christian readers. these ideas date back thousands of years, and are still held in medical minds as powerful mind-body connections to cleanse the spirit and bring peace/ability to pray to the troubled mind. Check out http://www.feedback.nildram.co.uk/richardebbs/meditation/chakras.htm if you’d like more information.
After you’ve massaged, cuddle together in a soft light, talking about what comes to you. Again, stay off the routine of life. Compliment one another honestly, say those things that sound corny but you want to say. Nibble from that prepared finger food arrangement, feed one another, enjoy a bottle of sweet wine. For those able, this is the perfect time for a bathtub for two, and the sensual washing of hair, lots of kissing, etc.
Make it a moment to remember.