Being married is a combination of short bursts of speed and long, paced endurance running. It’s both a relay and a pairs event – mind you, both of you are required to be on the same track. So what is it about date night that can become ho-hum? I’m anticipating a great weekend date with my hubster, and all of the “stuff” that we try to get in while it’s just he and I to sing in harmony.
But what is sexy?
What’s your sexy?
If you’re headed for date night, consider these humble suggestions to add some sizzle to your life.
I believe that every man’s deep desire is a woman whose main goal is to please him – it’s hard wired into the male brain to have that woman that compels him sexually, fulfills his emotional needs and is both homemaker and vixen. Your average man wants a woman who is bursting with life and spontaneity based on their own shared interests and passions. It’s easy to lose that in the busy world of kids, homework, housework and tons of meetings, responsibilities and commitments. Sexual simmering isn’t always front and center to the modern couple and date night can often become an elongated trip to the store via the same movie theater and tired chain restaurant with no privacy.
So what about those spontaneous, out of the norm sensual ideas that you want to spice up date night?
1. Start with a clue. What is the fantasy that lurks in your man’s mind? French maid? School girl plaid? Black leather? My husband loves the role play fantasies that we come up with for those special nights of being just he and I. It doesn’t have to cost a fortune. The sexy come from the adventure, the risk that you’re willing to take to be vulnerable and playful with one another. Don’t have costumes laying around? Think “Goodwill.” Find something funky. Feeling a little self conscious? It’s taken years to get to the point of trust where he and I are totally free with each other – and that intimacy is reinforced every time we venture further into exploring each others desires. Understand that men don’t respond to those mushy love letters that we women write like a woman would – they’re a little more sensory. I have a series of notes for this weekend that include the honey-do’s. It’s a two way street. I just received a text from the hubster that said “Baby, remember to order firewood. :-)” He know me well enough to know that the fireplace is the central focus for these special, sensual nights together. Clue ideas? Texting a sexy message, leaving a note in his car, sending that special card to work with a coupon for “this weekend only.” Start early in the week to give you both something to look forward to. Be erotic, descriptive, honest.
2. Set the mood. The “great idea” in ideas is that you leak the information slowly and thoroughly throughout the week. Consider it foreplay. Get everything that you would be distracted by early in the day. Pounce with your surprise. My infamous pink Victiroa’s secret box normally resides in the closet, however, it’s out now. I’ve been adding little things all week, like a new silk scarf, rose petals, and a few new toys. It’s out where he can add or imagine – the whole point is knowing what is coming. Also out in plain view? The chocolate fondue pot for two, and a note to myself “buy strawberries.” The champagne is already in the wine cooler, and the next acquisition? That requires part of the date night together.
3. Use your adrenaline to get the mood going. You may be into shopping, but what is your guy nuts about? Maybe it’s an afternoon football game that you can score tickets to, or a museum trip. My husbter likes a total departure from the world we live in every day. I have several things in mind for this weekend, including a turn at a high speed Kart race track about twenty miles north of our home. Following our private Indy race, we’re headed north to BSU for an afternoon climbing the two 35′ rock walls, then off to the showers. Key: remember who and what you were before the wedding bells rang and all the responsibility in the world came your way. Grab a jet ski, a couple of four wheelers, or your bikes for an evening ride. Make it special because it’s the two of you connecting, using your bodies to move, laughing and enjoying each others company.
4. Visit an “all adult place” together. Nothing smacks boring more than the same underclothes year in and out. Flaunt that sexy goodness that is your inner vixen with a trip to the naughty but nice store near you. If you’re not comfy with the X rated shop, try the “lover stores” that feature a more demure selection. Our jaunt to the shopping center is a little more risque – we’re picking up an “after dark” movie at the aforementioned adult store, plus a new outfit that makes his mind wander to lots of naughty things. Trying on lingerie for your man is a perfect way to set that evening tone - the one that says ‘Hi, I am a real woman, not just the mother of your child(ren).”
Here’s a nod from another site that promotes this same tip:
‘Leave inhibitions behind and make a one-stop trip to your local adult store. Have fun looking things over and picking out something for each of you to try. Make it more interesting and give each person a spending a limit and a mission to find something for the other person.’
5. Dine out, sitting close together, at a place where you can make or rekindle a sensual memory. Throw over the idea of expensive and go for the place that reeks of intimacy. It’s all in your perception. Maybe intimate for you is the brick oven pizza place in the next town. Brian and I love a little bar in Broadripple, the eclectic arts part of Indianapolis, that crafts their own beer and has a wickedly good spinach Alfredo dip. It’s next to the dance club we haunt on occasion. Maybe it’s the local bistro, or a quiet ethnic restaurant far from the child scene. Consider buying and wearing your little lingerie addition to the date part of the night. It’s the perfect thing to add to dinner at a bistro I’ve been thinking about for over a year – Vera Mae’s, an upscale downtown restaurant in Muncie with great food, private dining and a whole lot of potential. If you’re shooting for romantic, start with revisiting your blooming romance. Where can you go that reminds you of that first date? Can you pick a specialty food that is from the country you visited on your honeymoon, or the regional fare of where you got engaged? Brian and I got engaged on Mackinac Island, so we tend to watch “Somewhere in Time” on that anniversary in honor of it’s filming there.
After dinner, we’re back to the house. Maybe you’re into that special night out at a great hotel suite, or the room at a bed and breakfast. We’re pretty in love with our way beautiful house – so home is a favorite destination. I’ve just finished the re-decor of his “man cave” with beautiful full room rug, tons of polished wood, dark leather furniture and of course, the flat screen and his desk. Most of it isn’t new, it’s just rearranged. The room is absolutely fantastic – and way him. It’s a mixture of his degrees from IU (and his Dad’s) Colts paraphernalia, vintage beer mirrors and lots of “dogs playing poker” art. This night, it’s also the special room for our sensual movie, a great VIP back rub (a coupon I made today) and the strawberry chocolate fondue…all in front of that highly sexy fireplace. It’s a great place for hours of pillow talk, dessert and imagination. Where is this place in your life? Change it up, add the flair of rekindled passion.
If you’re lacking ideas, visit www.lovingyou.com and look up their “game of the week. This week’s interesting idea?
“Make two even stacks of pieces of note card or paper. On one pile, write suggestive actions, e.g. kiss…. massage etc. On the other set, write body parts. Each partner takes their turn to choose one card from each pile, and whatever combination they get they have to perform what it suggests on their partner.”
That reminds me…I am off to order lots of firewood.
Be creative, and enjoy your date night like never before. Wishing you happiness as you connect, love and replenish yourself in one another.