Things feeling a little ho-hum in your relationship? We all know that it happens; a decade down the road, many couples are redefined as parents, working professionals. Translated to real world speak, they’re tired and romance may not top that to-do list. After all, you’re married, right?
Statistics show that only 41% of married women report being fully satisfied with their sex life, a change from a decade ago when the number was closer to 53%. Why? It may have something to do with the big “O” ~ 75% of women who were polled for “She Knows” eMagazine said that they do not have regular orgasms during sex; 12% never have. That means that 87 out of 100 women in any given room should be intensely excited about the possibilities of romance!
There is a correlation between orgasmic sex and romance, according to Bing’s new video on Rekindling Romance. Research shows that anxiety and stress are the primary non-starters to a woman’s drive to have intercourse. Trust and romance top the list of reasons that women do not experience orgasms with their long time mate. Ladies who cannot mentally let down their guard also have difficulty experiencing sensations pulsing through the body’s largest organ – the skin. Romance may hold the key to changing your love life from ho-hum to wow.
- Men and women – we’re different. Men are more equipped to have sex as a solely physical act, even though their emotions and mental process are involved. Females, however, start from a place of emotion and thought, then move to passion. That romance is your key to foreplay, if you do it right. You must know your mate really well; who she really is, not who you want her to be. What kind of energy does your woman give? School girl, society snob, seductive, classic “Mom” or steamy temptress? I’m one of those Oxytocin overload females with an adventurous side. My husband knows that romantic for me is something exotic, daring, something that makes me laugh. It’s not a one way street: I romance him with his favorite foods, that special shirt I saw him appreciate on the golf channel, a sensual massage in an unexpected time and place. Find the thing that screams romance to your woman, and you’ll have a much better chance of not being the man on the block whose wife voted him off the “O” island.
- Talk dirty to me. Oh, did I say that out loud? Sorry, we’re married, there aren’t supposed to be any hot phone calls at lunch reminding me that I am one and only woman for him. Or are there? Healthy sexual conversation should sprinkle through your day. I’m not talking XXX stuff – the last text I sent my sweetie was “I miss you,” but I have zero problem suggesting to my hubster what I’d rather be doing at that moment. Is that scandalous? Married people telling each other that they are thinking about…sex? Oh, my. Reality check: yes, it’s not only appropriate to chat up the man or woman in your life, you can bet that if you don’t, someone eventually will. Take time out to talk about love, making love and your intimate life. For the adventurous girl, your romance may begin with early in the day foreplay. A discreet morning passion session; leaving a new, exotic scented gel or body wash in the shower; even a flower on the dash of my car – each scored high in my book about “tonight.” Anticipation is the language of the sensual girl. If your girl is romance and frills, find an out of the ordinary bouquet, a handmade work of art, a small piece of jewelry. Nothing with a plug unless it magically produces her favorite thing or she specifically said “wow” over it. Blenders are not sexy unless they’re filled with Mojito’s.
- Put Your Back Into It. Really your mind may work more than your back, but helping out with the house, surprising your mate by making dinner, or providing that much needed foot rub? You’re her hero. Your mate is suffering from stress and anxiety. Anything that you do to lower her level of tension benefits you in the boudoir. Moreover, if you find a way to turn up the music, dance, laugh and love through those dishes, you will have hit the same mark that my hubster has – the coolest husband ever. My brain connects the memories of dancing around like monkeys in the kitchen, laughing with the sexy steamy times on the dance floor at the Vogue when we have our “nights out.”
- Hit Her Groove. Go for the gold and think outside the classic bringing her flowers and wine. If your mate is a runner, an artist, a bookworm, someone who writes in a journal – think of something cool that you can surprise her with that is creative– being creative is half the fun. Brian can pick out something that no one else would think to guess because he knows my preferences in everything, by mood. Do you know your mate that well? Romantic could be new lingerie from Victoria’s secret – even a standard bra/pantie set from Vickie’s makes a girls day. They have hot pink for me, as well as demure lace for the sweet girls. The goals is comfort and a keen eye to her tastes.
- Change it up. No one sang it better than the crab in Little Mermaid – Kiss the girl. If you’re been together along time, you might change the groove to something else. Try a passionate kiss against the wall instead of tender and touchy; try tender and touchy if you’re normally against the wall. Make your bedroom about you two and kick out the crib, the toys, the clutter and the daily life. Don’t eat in bed – be attentive to touching and talking. Kissing is an amazing foreplay that can take the place of ho-hum sex and add hours to your adult time. The video How to Kiss With Confidence might give you inspiration if your wax on, wax off is wearing a little thin.
Other ideas for changing it up include massage, full body or simple shoulder. It’s the idea of touching, lots of touching, that conveys your attraction and attention to your mate. If you’re so inclined, the passion of couples who use sex aids also rates higher on the scale of “wow” than their more shy counterparts. Talk over it together, and see where you level of comfort really lay.
The connection between emotional, romantic health and a satisfying sex life is unmistakable “must have” for every couple, including you, your best friends, your pastor, your shrink. Everybody. The key to having that same attraction twenty years from now? Fan the flames of romance, and let your love know that you’re still falling for her. The average American couple is way down on the list of international couples, averaging 118 sexual trysts a year. That 2.269 times per week.
I don’t know about you, but average really isn’t my style. 🙂