Brief disclaimer: this article is about letting go of the struggle within, and becoming whole, peace full and well.  My reading/meditations are being interrupted by the funniest animals I’ve ever seen. My constant window companion, Squirrel, is overweight.  I mean, this is one fat squirrel.  This morning, the younger nut hunter with the deep red fur took matters into his own furry long fingered paws and stole the remaining three inches of feed cube right off the feeder, down the tree and paused at the edge of the tree circle with his little tail wagging in victory.  Squirrel was to slow to catch him.  He looked mighty annoyed, until he realized that there was a perfectly good bird feeder to rob right above the lost boys head.  It’s so funny to watch them as they socialize all of a few feet away.  They give me the passing glance, but outside of being pecked on the head by an irate, food sharing raven the other day, not much enters into my squirrels scope of life.  This afternoon I’m going to add ears of fresh corn to the mix and see what happens.

This morning I read a beautiful article on life.  This is the conclusion of it, but you might want to read it all.

I now know that there is perfect orchestration in this universe and everything is unfolding for the highest good of all, every step of the way. As I trust I learned to stop fighting it all, because there are precious gifts within every circumstance – I had to first learn to look for them, instead of what my ego used to either be attached to or avoid. I know that pure love never dies, and I had to stop trying to get rid of it. I had to ALLOW it and create the best that I can from it. At the same time, from the most pure place within, I do wish that very special person the greatest life any human being can ever have.   I also wish this for you! (Article Source:

Pure love.

I know that feeling, where it lives inside of me.

Pure love.

It gives itself away and returns whole, not mixed with anything but the knowledge that it is, it gave and it remains.

Wow, I love that idea.  God is pure love to me.

It was a great article, and one that I was happy to read.  The essence of it all is this: now that I have stopped fighting with myself , I have no conflict left inside me.  I have taken off the old me and let her exhale fully as she came to rest. I didn’t lose anything, just stopped trying to carry the weight of all that was.  I stopped trying to co-dependently love all the wrong people in all the wrong ways seeking some easing to the ache…and started taking care of myself.

I am so blessed to think through the authors words.  Beautiful, isn’t it?  Pure love, for yourself, for the people in your life, for the things that come and go with us all.   So often I am asked how to let go, what steps to take – and in the end, all I can tell you is that you simply breathe.  Although I write about it so often, what I experience defies my keyboard.

The squirrel is rocking the bird feeder again.

He’s going to fall off.  Again.

Life is so funny, if you’ll just take time to notice…

from the heron to the squirrel,

there is life happening everywhere.

I wrote this some time ago in an old journal that I use.  I found that pen and paper was great for me in therapy, because I can litter my words with drawings that no one else understands.  I am thinking about taking some time to photograph this summer before school starts in the fall.  Hmmmm.  Let it be counted as joy then – I live a life of happiness and stability these days.  From the purest place in my heart, I wish the same for you.

From my Letting Go journal for all of you searching for your own space of peace….

“I let go. Not of a person, or a place of a thing, but of everything that wasn’t part of my soul. I wanted to let go, to breathe deeply, to rest.  I simply let go.

I let go of the convenience of people who had become important to me because they were in the path that I was on, although we never really traveled together.

I let go of wanting what was in front of me instead of believing in what was possible.

I let go of wanting to hold someone near, to be connected even though it meant compromising who and what I am.

I let go of acquaintances I called “friends.” They were teachers and mirrors, people with insights and moments.  They, I, were never in for the long run. The love was shallow, and had no root.  There was no soul connection, but a friendship based on collected seconds in shared space.  I let go.

I let go of obsession and  instead found peace.  I didn’t have to make a plan or even write it out…I just let it go.

I let go of yesterdays perfect moments, dream like memories. I was so ready for what lay just beyond the light in my world, in the darkness that surrounded the three feet of light in front of me.  Letting go, I realized that it didn’t include my past, it didn’t include my plans, it didn’t include all those situations that I had made for myself.

I let go.  I don’t feel guilty or wrong for leaving it behind, or for having this life.

I let go of the loneliness that had engulfed me, shed it like a second skin.  As the light faded from the place where I had been walking and the illumination focused on what lay ahead, I feel the most incredible freedom.  It didn’t matter about the dreams, the longings, the money, the time.

I let go.  In that moment, I realized that I didn’t have to be a prisoner of my own words, addictions, thoughts or mania.  I’m no longer that scared teenager, or the conflicted young adult, the abused child.

I let go of the fear of failure, of being less than, of being left alone. No one has the power or control in my life but Christ.  No one has the power to hurt me any longer. I let it all go.

I let go of the pain, I let go of the voices that carried me to the heights of crazy and back again.

I let go of the superficial drama, the confluence of desire, the heedless longings that clouded my judgement, like a black tar leaking from my ears.  In the slightest wisp of sunshine, it was gone.

I let go of the desire to wipe out the pain and turn off the noise in my head in all the wrong ways.

I let go of the need to be love and instead accepted what was there inside of me, the perfect “me.”

I let go of the desire to be liked, the need for approval and instead approved of myself.

I let go of distrust of not knowing, my images of what being a follower of the Way of Christ look like, what is expected of me, and all that I’ve learned.  I let go of the preconceptions and became willing to hear from the Divine ~ not on my terms.

I let go of religion,  gave up on humanity.  I let go of all those “helpful” suggestions that echoed with their unspoken condemnation.  I let go of man and trusted instead in God.

I let go of it all.  I am free to follow, being led, knowing that it’s all going to be part of this amazing journey.

God, how I love being alive.”

Precious gifts in every step of the way…even the ones that have us strung out on the floor.  How else can you think about the challenging things that happened to you today?  What attitude did you choose?

I think it is the last part that made the most difference.  I was not willing to put my life on hold, not even for a moment, not to wait for something or someone that was never going to materialize.  That thing that you want so badly? It’s most likely never going to live up to the expectations that you’ve placed on it.  Real life: it requires communication, pure love and a soul commitment. I thank God every day for Brian,  the best friend and love of my life, for his courage and his clarity.  We laugh over my sometimes mystical understanding of the universe, which he is happy to do since it creates great fiction and a real passion for my work.  Even so, he refuses to live life on  hold or anything less than full on authentic, confronts the monster in the closet and reveals that what I thought was perfect was fool’s gold.

Tough questions:

What in your life lures you to unhappiness with promises of perfection that you know are going to be short on delivery?

Why do you continue to pursue that which will never fulfill you?


Life on hold?

On hold equals not lived, passed by, wasted.

Just circling the airport.

That’s not living.

You who are waiting for someday to come when she/he/it returns to you, or your winning numbers come in, for the moment when you have enough and everything is perfect? It’s just an excuse not to live, to accept the status quo and survive the circumstances that you’ve built around yourself.

Every dream that has ever been accomplished started where you are right now…with a beginning.

Live in the freedom of who you are, where you are, and send thoughts of peace and love out into the universe.  Instead of trying so hard to let go, love fully and allow that which is not you to take wing.  You will find once you have given yourself space to do so, you’re going to feel a freedom worth living.

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