Questions and words…they are my friends.
I love the word possibility. It echoes hope for tomorrow, expectation of faith and self, imagination and energy all at one time. Possibility. What is your possibility? What do you dream of? Are you thinking about those dreams, investing in their reality, planning for their fruition in your life? Are you willing to dream the big dream, to take it all in? What about the unexpected, the knowledge that you may in faith have to step out in a big way that people don’t understand? I love the word possibility…and all that comes with it. It’s the wind in your face, under your wings, the air that lifts your imagination to be all that you can. It leaves the past behind, your childhood, your fears, your failures…and it gives your heart room to expand into the universe.
My own dreams of late have been changing, coming true…endings and beginnings in perfect harmony. It’s almost May – the month when my life changes. Graduation, new hope, new job, new start on almost every front. May comes for everyone sooner or later, the moments when we are like the legendary Phoenix, burned into ash and reborn as a new and whole creature of faith and passion. When is your May? What are you working toward – what is your goal? The anticipation of possibility is an amazing life force in and of itself – add faith to it and you have the limitless potential of changing lives. May has ultimate possibilities, and with it so does my own life as a creature recreated in grace and faith. Something extraordinary this way comes….the possibility of it is enthralling, isn’t it?
Possibility. It’s interesting to feel this hope on today of all days….Wednesday is my least favorite day of the week, remnants of a long ago anxiety that still haunts me. It’s a day that represents loneliness and hardship, fear and heartbreak. Wednesdays are half way in between the beginning and the end, the middle ground where you can spend our life stuck on the sandbar of future regret. Nothing of interest happens in the gray areas – it’s the Melba of toast, bread that has dried out to long and isn’t good for much. Wednesdays. Most people have the Monday morning blues, but Wednesday afternoons still make my chest ache. This Wednesday was full of the word “I love you,” which is a nice change. I’d gotten to the point where I wanted to hide most Wednesday mornings, which for me begin with a funky treatment that involves flashy lights in my eyes at the therapy place. I am healthier though.
The possibility of “I love you.” Are there more powerful words in the world? Love is my strongest spiritual gift. I’ve learned to choose who it that I give my heart to with a little more prayerful candor, be it a friend, a family member, my soul mate. For me, I love you is a lifelong situation. It’s my DNA. If I love you I am all in, nothing held back, devoted to the person in ways most people don’t understand. I will honestly believe the best in you, honor you with whatever I have to give, acknowledge your unique and special gifts which I will truly treasure. If I love you, I will listen and respect your opinion, because you are the sun and the moon in my friendship universe, a perfect harmonious balance of gravitation and pull that keeps my orbit meaningful and sane. If I love you, I will travel the depth of hell and the heights of heaven to make you safe, to make you smile, to make you feel alive. If I love you…I love you. In every person there is a good side, a bad side, light and dark…and if you love, you embrace both.
The possibility of eternal, passionate, intelligent, sensual love…the rare and elusive use when someone, from the depths of their soul says….“I am in love with you?” Now there is a possibility, a force to be reckoned with. Are you in love? Really and truly in love? That is a forever sort of thing, in love. There are no more powerful words in the world. It’s your soul offering to become one with another when it is “I am in love with you,” and you actually have an idea who you are. I’m in love with you is a soul deep, metaphysical bond between two people that can transcend the world and take you to new heights. It’s not to be confused with that teenage angst of the physical passion…this love lingers on and on, occupying your mind and soul no matter what you do. It has become part of you. Not a lot of this in the world, sadly.
Other possibilities…agape love…the type that seeks the others highest good, believes the best, is offered in the non romantic sense. People like this are priceless and rare, comfortable companions to share deep friendships with. I am so fortunate to have several in my life, people who pray for me, and I them…who walk with me in the light and the dark. My good friend Jeff spent time with me talking about his love of faith, and encouraging me in my own. His friendship love is truth and grace in action, real and tangible. My brother in faith (and Greek!), Jay, wrote me a poem that made me cry with its tender love and unfailing support, making me realize how much I appreciate the kindness he shows me as a friend and brother, reminding me that I am forgiven and whole. He reassures me of my own worth in the world when I am drowning in to many emotions. My pastor friend is still in his blue funk, and still needs a day off from the chaos that is his life, but even he takes a moment to laugh with me over it all.
Enduring possibilities…love that endures all things, believes the best of you, stands by your side and makes you want to be a better person. As always, Brian offers the real love of stability and intimate understanding that only develops through years of being truly tuned into your spouse.
So I dreamed of the possibilities, survived and thrived in another Wednesday with fewer tears, more sunshine and wearing a really great summer dress with pretty pink high heels. I rejoined my Greek class for the first time in two weeks, enjoying the easy conversation and theological reflection of some of the most gifted people I know, including my good friend who is the instructor. It was an interesting afternoon of textures and senses, feelings and emotions, love and friendship.
The possibility of Wednesday has begun to intrigue me. Maybe one day, it will be the highlight of the week, the midpoint where anything is possible before the stroke of midnight on Saturday. A world whose story hasn’t been written in history yet, where anything might happen around the next bend. Every dream that you have can still manifest in hope and love.
It could happen. I am choosing my thoughts, choosing to love, choosing the peace and grace that I find as a follower of the way. I chose the decisions that bring health, chose to meditate, chose to be the best in love that I can be.
I chose to ….see….possibility…..