Today’s healthy thought: letting yourself admit failure is tough, even when it’s in your best interest.  I am mapping out my strategy for this new life of mine, for the inevitable changes that are on the horizon. I am ready to rise to the challenge.  It doesn’t feel like that inside of me, no.  It feels as though the world is spinning slightly to fast, and it’s hard to maintain my balance.  Still, I will rise to it.

How, you ask?  Let’s start by talking about the beautiful butterfly.  Did you know that when it’s just an inchworm, making it’s way to the forming of the cocoon, the butterfly to be instinctively knows that it’s in for some tough stuff?  I’m the inchworm wrapped in silk, swimming in a magic soup of change.  If you cut the chrysalis open to free the newly formed butterfly, you’ve saved it from hours of painful struggle.  There is a huge problem with this idea of “being saved” from every hardship.  The butterfly, now free with no struggle, has no wing experience.  There is no strength.  The butterfly, robbed of the ability to struggle, dies.

It’s really hard to see what is going on with your life from the inside of your own circumstances.  My friend Tim tells me  “you can’t read the label when you’re in the bottle.”  I would have to agree that Tim is more often correct than not….in fact, I just assume he’s right and he hasn’t disappointed me yet. At this moment, my level of personal, emotional pain is intense. I don’t mean generic or easy…intense. Every cell in my body is screaming that we want off this merry go round…still, where does one go, cut free of the chrysalis so soon? Every step that I take seems to be…wrong.  Ever have one of those days?  I love the fact that I know the difference now, that there is a moment in my where I can stand up and say “enough.”  Maybe I will fail, maybe I will end up with egg on my face – but I will do it on my feet, not curled into a ball on the floor.  I want to be more like me….not what everyone expects me to be.  I want to struggle out of the silk, stand poised on the cliff and spiral into the wind with all of my hopes, dreams and intentions.

For those of you in my past ~ even my recent past ~ that soaked the ever strong silk of my cocoon in gut wrenching tears: thank you.  Really, thank you for the presence that brought me to my knees.  Without your poison, I would never have the courage to face life head on.  You proved to have a purpose after all, one outside of the narcissistic self love that keeps you wrapped in your little kingdom where you’re soooooo important.  Step outside that chalk circle for just a moment, baby, and you’ll find that you’re nothing but an inchworm.  No butterfly potential.

So I am back where I started months ago….waiting.  Praying.  Daring myself to move.  I think that there might be some surprise at the choices I am about to make.  These are the things that I know for sure.

  1. Never turn your back on the person that is your tried and true, most loyal love.  Maybe things aren’t perfect…hell, maybe you’re miserable.  But if you’re luck enough, fortunate enough, real enough to have a friend ~ cherish it.  The person that you really want in your corner is the one that sticks around when you’re nuts, that you can call at 2 am and know that although they are pissed, they’re in ~ the person that loves you when you are unlovable.  Don’t trade them out for some plastic person that is going to last five minutes because you’re enchanted for a moment.  The person that is willing to look you in the eye and brave “giving the lecture?”  They actually care.  It’s rare at best.
  2. Be yourself and don’t fall for the latest deal. Maybe you need a change of state, a refining moment in relationship – but when you’re having pizza margarita in Napoli, the person drinking great red wine with you should be that same person that lifted you off the floor and cared when no one else did.  Validate that part of you … that your friend, your love, your sister or brother was there through thick and thin.  Be that person in someone’s life.  Stay when it’s not sane.  Just not…when it’s unhealthy.
  3. You can change. You can dream. You can be. No one….no one…changes for you.  You are created for a purpose….go do it.
  4. Make movie moments.  I know that sounds dumb, but give yourself closure of working out or walking away to the song that demonstrates your oneness.  For me, it’s Pink’s “F’ing Perfect” and “Bittersweet Symphony.”  I am good with the ending music.
  5. Don’t look back.  The only thing that is behind you is a car wreck waiting to happen. That’s why you have a big front window and a tiny review mirror…and those come with warning signs that objects appear larger than they are. 🙂

So, darlings, that is all for today on the healthy thoughts…you are.  Be yourself.  Emotions lie, lead and let you down.  Know thyself, says ancient wisdom.  Better yet, whatever is good, whatever is decent, whatever uplfts and brings joy…think on this stuff.  All the problems that you imagine will fade into yesterdays’ concerns before you know it.

Be well.


Made a wrong turn, once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that’s alright
Welcome to my silly life
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss ‘No way, it’s all good’, it didn’t slow me down
Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated
Look, I’m still around

Pretty pretty please, don’t you ever ever feel
Like you’re less than, less than perfect..
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you’re nothing,
you are perfect to me!

You’re so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were wrong
Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead
So complicated, look happy, you’ll make it!
Filled with so much hatred…such a tired game
It’s enough! I’ve done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, I’ve seen you do the same

Oh, pretty pretty please, don’t you ever ever feel
Like you’re less than, less than perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you’re nothing,
you are perfect to me

The whole world’s scared so I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in lime, and we try try try, but we try too hard and it’s a waste of my time
Done looking for the critics, cause they’re everywhere
They dont like my jeans, they don’t get my hair
Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time
Why do we do that? Why do I do that?

Why do I do that..?

Yeah, oh, oh baby, pretty baby..!
Pretty pretty please, don’t you ever ever feel
Like you’re less than less than perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel
Like you’re nothing, you are perfect to me
You’re perfect, you’re perfect!
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you’re nothing
You’re perfect to me…

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